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Even miracles take a little time

March 15, 2016

Baby booties

A few years ago, I was at a Hallmark store with my mom and saw a Cinderella snowglobe with Fairy Godmother’s quote, “Even miracles take a little time.”  I began crying right there in the middle of the store.  It was a bittersweet reminder that becoming a mother wasn’t going to happen overnight, no matter how badly I wanted it.

Eventually, Flavio and I realized that trying to have a baby the old-fashioned way just wasn’t going to happen for us, but we still really wanted to be parents.  So…fertility treatments, or adoption?  We have limited means and knew that we’d probably only ever be able to afford one round of IVF or adoption, not both.  We both agreed that adoption was not only our best option, but also something we felt called to do.

Giving up on our dream of having our own baby felt…well, not good, but right.  The emotional rollercoaster of getting my hopes up when my period was a couple days late, only to come crashing down when it eventually started or the stick was negative, was taking a real toll on me.  I couldn’t be happy for my friends and family who were getting pregnant.  Baby showers were painful.  Any time someone vented perfectly normal frustrations about pregnancy or motherhood, I would get so irrationally angry.  Doesn’t she know how lucky she is?  Didn’t she know what she was getting into?  I would give anything to be covered in baby poop right now!  It wasn’t healthy.  Letting go of that dream helped me let go of a lot of negative feelings I had been holding onto.

Fast forward to this past Christmas Eve.  Flavio and I had such a lovely day together, opening our presents, cooking a small feast, and playing a nerdy board game while drinking spumante and sharing a panettone.  Late that night while lying in bed, I said to him, “Maybe Santa will bring us a baby tonight.”  But I never in a million years believed that my dearest wish would come true that night — our baby is due in September.

So yes, miracles do take a little time.  I’ll only be pregnant for 40 weeks, but this baby has been growing in my heart all my life.

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